Adventures in Pussy Stroking

...Um, I mean "Cat-Sitting".


...With Yolandar's Crazy Cat, aka "Sunny", aka "Vampiric Furball Who Likes to Suckle Your Wrist Blood... And Nosh on that Potted Plant":





Having spent many, MANY hours with kitty, starting at age eight weeks, I have had time to become accustomed to the oddities of feline behavior, including Sunny's love of high places, such as a person's neck:

"I'll take Whiskas and dish of Pellegrino..."

"Bish, where my crunchies?! Don't make me slap you twice!"

Not to worry; Mary Poppins Auntie Ravedogg comes equipped with the proper medicine:






Nothing like a little kitty chronic and a plastic bag toy:

"Sweeeeeeeet."

My clever girl has all of her humans well trained for co-habitation:

When Mother's boyfriend snores?
Paw to the face.
...Followed by WWE wrestling move akin to smothering.

When Mother isn't up by breakfast time?
Paw to the face.
...Followed by facial drumming in tribal rhythm.



When you don't get immediate recognition of your feline greatness?

Poop in the shoe.

Works every time, sweetness.

Thanks (and happy belated birthday!!) to Eshin for introducing me to the animation of Simon Tofield (Simon's Cat). Wicked funny, that.

Silly Gumby: You Must Be Punished

I stumbled across this clip, and jacked it from Mental Floss. It reminded me of a few heavier Gumby and Pokey clips.

Interestingly, I know several people (myself included) who, as 8-year-olds, would have thought this this was freaking awesome...

Darkchyldren, this one's for you:




And top o'the witching hour to ya, me little Blarney butts.

Bootylicious Bakin'

I jacked this from Eshin... Whom I blame for infesting my brain with this tune... So I thought I'd spread it around (ha ha):




UPDATE [3/17/09]:
Crap... Ridiculous superfluous lawsuits over copyrights!!! I used to have an odd music clip here, but it was pulled from YouTube and I cannot find it elsewhere... Poopie.

Oh well; get stoned and watch the LazyTown vid three times... Or just think about the tabloid headlines that pink-haired girl will be inspiring in 4 years... "IT'S MILEY!!"


(~The Soup, trademark, copyright, all rights reserved, soooo meaty, etc.)

Eat Me, Drink Me, Play With My Manhole

Excuse me!?!

Once upon a time, there were two office employees magical fairy princesses assigned to clean out a storage room full of rat turds and fist-sized spiders. Reaching a bejeweled hand into a box of moldy books, one office beech princess cried, "Look! I have found a wonderful game! Let us rest and play with..."

Enticed by the vivid colors and modern art, the pair sat on their giant toadstools and began to 'fantasize' about 'exploring' the wonders of the Manhole:

Somehow, the lighthearted and whimsical tone seems mitigated by the force of the Manhole...

MANHOLE!

... because it's laced with GHB.

Or maybe they're subtly cautioning against, 'if he offers to slip your manhole a hot biscuit'...

Remember the days when software manuals were this simple?

Installation, huh? On most models, that comes standard.
(If this were a drinking game, "hard disk" would get you wasted in 10 min.)

The sequel, "the Womanhole", follows the same format of 'interactive exploration', but they keep that one locked up behind the counter.

FYI: I've been to The Mineshaft in Long Beach, CA. I argue that explains my jump into perverted reverie. Don't know about NotAvril... What's your excuse, lil' bit?

[Big thanks to NotAvril - a great coworker with a sweet nature and delightfully bent sense of humor, without whom this post would not have been possible. Good luck at grad school!]

Lizard the Beautiful

Beautiful without and beautiful within...

She understands fashion.

She has the 'snark'.

She's brilliant and talented... Even if her cohorts don't appreciate her sense.

She's grounded and wise... With a great dose of heart.

She's been with me for decades, despite all changes in our lives.

She makes me laugh, she makes me think... She's strong and yet human, a real work of art.

She speaks her mind, but never spews hate.

She lives with a balance of sarcasm and truth... I've seen her like marble; I've seen her concerned.

She relates life case by case; commentary is just that. She's wise and observant: no two lives are the same.

I'm proud to call her 'friend'. I'm honored to let her in.

In the back of a church, I said "I love you" to a young woman in a white dress... I meant it.

This is friendship. This is true.

May we live another fifty years to see it through.

Thank you.

[Thank you for taking my late night call. Thank you for making me laugh. Thank you for listening in this difficult time.]